I didn’t grow up in a home where people said “I love you”. It wasn’t that no one loved each other, we just never said it in words. My mom didn’t express it that way and I never learned to have a need to hear those words. Even now, I have to make a conscious effort to say those words to my sweetie. And I am not overly touched to hear those words. They are just words. I know what love looks like, what it feels like. I am in love with my sweetie in a deep place in my soul, where words don’t even have a place. I love him like I love myself. He is me. I can’t bear to think of the world without him in it. I have felt his love radiate across the planet, letting me know he is still out there loving me. He is unable to hurt me because he could not bear the world without me either. He can laugh at me, knowing that he laughs also at himself because I am his. Our souls are bound in a way that was not our own doing. It was like that since first we met. Is he my soulmate? Another word that will limit our relationship. He is the one who keeps me endlessly laughing. His smile lights up my soul. I cry for him when he is in pain. He would give his life to protect me only to have me die without him. I know this is more than love. It’s how I feel, it’s what I do. He is a priceless treasure from God, irreplacable and pure.
Archive for March, 2008
Peace and Freedom
Friday afternoon, I went to settlement to sell my house. Everything went smoothly. The new buyers, a young couple, were so excited to get the keys to, no doubt, their first house. I had chosen to sell my house and was lucky to find a buyer in this market. Still, hours before settlement, I walked from room to room saying my goodbyes to each room. I’ll never see those rooms again, and they will never belong to me again. I felt a bit of sadness as I usually do with a big change.
I had moved into that house with my new husband. I had dreams that it would be a happy home but that never came to fruition. When my husband lived there, it had been a pressure cooker. After he left, I was able to relax and enjoy the peace and freedom that comes from taking care of yourself and living within your means.
I wish nothing but happiness to the buyers of my house. Our neighborhood had one family that terrorized the entire neighborhood but I hope they are able to start fresh with them. I am now staying with a friend until the next part of my life plan begins (more on that later).
I was only able to bring a small percentage of my clothes and belongings. I must say, it is very refreshing to live so simply. I have all that I need: food, some good books, a cycle magazine, warm clothes, some clothes to hit the gym, my guitar, my computer and my MP3 player. This is a happy and peaceful time for me.
I’m going to Paris for the summer!
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
(Evanescence)
